Hero of War
by RedRose252 AKA Mello the 2nd
Summary: A Post-Winter Soldier Songfic for the song Hero of War by Rise against. Rated M for character death, torture, angst.


**A song fic I wrote for Hero of War by Rise Against. I wanted to imagine what Bucky would discover as his memories came back, the good and the bad. Not everything matches up to the story but it hit me one day and I had to write it.**

** WARNING! POSSIBLE TRIGGERS AHEAD!**

**Torture and Death and Angst and Pain.**

**You've been warned.**

_He said 'Son, have you seen the world?_

_Well what would you say if I said that you could?_

The recruiter had been convincing, 'Join the army and see the world!'. If only it had been that simple. If only he had realized what joining would mean. If only he hadn't been there to sign up already. He knew Steve would be mad about him leaving. But who was Steve? At this thought a small blonde man had appeared in his memory. He looked like a smaller version of the man from the bridge. The one he saved from drowning. _Steve._

_Just carry this gun, you'll even get paid.'_

_I said 'That sounds pretty good.'_

"Sign me up." He grinned at the recruiter, a wiry man with greying hair and a thin moustache.

"The dames are gonna miss you."

He shrugged with a chuckle, "They'll have to make due without I guess."

"Name?"

"James Buchanan Barnes."

The name seemed familiar, but strange as well. Almost like it didn't belong to him. The man, Steve, had called him Bucky. That one fit better.

_Black leather boots, spit shined so bright._

_They cut off my hair, but it looks alright._

_We marched and we sang_

_We all became friends_

_As we learned how to fight._

Training had been tough, but fun. And meeting all the men he would be fighting side by side with was interesting. Each man grew fond of him eventually. Some even coming to him for advice or to invite him out for beers.

The best part of it all was the letters. They came from a girl named Kate. Another name that drew up a face. This one beautiful, with soft curves and sparkling blue eyes and jet black hair. He remembered meeting her before being deployed. Falling in love. Love was a new emotion for him. Foreign and confusing. He didn't remember feeling about someone the way he felt about her.

_A hero of war, yeah that's what I'll be_

_and when I come home they'll be damn proud of me_

_I'll carry this flag to the grave if I must._

_'Cause it's a flag that I love, and a flag that I trust._

He remembered the first time he woke in HYDRA HQ, strapped to a table and in immense pain. 'Weapon' they called him. 'Winter Soldier' was his name. Zola, the man who had taken his life away, always said how proud of his latest creation he was. His new weapon was perfect. He would be HYDRA's pride and joy once he was complete. And so the process began. Erasing his memories and replacing them with new ones. Imprinting his new weapon with unwavering loyalty for not only HYDRA but Zola himself.

_I kicked in the door, I yelled my commands._

_The children, they cried, but I got my man._

_We took him away, a bag over his face_

_From his family and his friends._

It was mechanical the way he broke down the door. He didn't need to think. Only do. Find the target and capture. Find him and bring him back. That's all that was needed.

He didn't count on the family. The children. The woman who clutched at his metal arm and begged him not to take her husband. He tossed her off of him, watching with disinterest as she crashed into the wall and lay still. Sobbing, injured, but alive. She wasn't a threat. Just a defenceless woman.

_Then why did you throw her?!_ Demanded an angry voice. One he had to repress. He knew what that voice meant. Restraints. Pain. Forgetting. He didn't want to forget. He knew it would hurt. And the entire time Zola would be there watching, judging.

_They took off his clothes, they pissed in his hands._

_I told them to stop, but then I joined in._

_We beat him with guns and batons not just once_

_But again and again._

He knew they were supposed to be getting the information from this man, but this is just wrong. But no. He wasn't supposed to feel sympathy for the man. He was a weapon, a machine. Unfeeling. Uncaring._ Don't look. Don't speak. Let the others do it._

"Stop!" _Damn it!_

The others looked at him and he met their gaze one by one, buying time, until he met the terrified gaze of the man. The blood on his face almost hid the bruises and swelling.

"Move aside." He barked and the others obeyed.

He walked up to the man who whimpered and cowered under him. Pathetic. He raised his metal appendage and landed a blow that broke the man's nose with a crack and spurt of blood.

_A hero of war, yeah that's what I'll be_

_And when I come home they'll be damn proud of me_

_I'll carry this flag to the grave if I must_

_'Cause it's a flag that I love_

_And a flag that I trust._

Zola smiled at him. He was proud of his soldier, but he wasn't needed at the moment. So into cryo he went until the next time. He knew what was coming. It had happened before. For years he had been frozen before now. This was normal. He was expected to cooperate. And he would. Because being frozen meant forgetting, and he didn't want to remember this mission. He stepped into the tube and shut his eyes.

_She walked through bullets and haze_

_I asked her to stop, I begged her to stay._

_But she pressed on so I lifted my gun_

_And I fired away._

"Bucky." Her voice cut through the cries of dying men. Through the pain and fear.

Her face was familiar. But it had been a long time since he was unfrozen for this mission. He was confused. This feeling in his chest at the sight of her was just confusion. There was no way he knew this woman.

"Stay where you are or I'll shoot." He barked and lifted his gun, aiming right for her heart.

She froze for a moment before stepping forwards. "Don't you remember me Bucky?"

He fired.

_And the shells jumped through the smoke_

_And into the sand that the blood now had soaked_

_She collapsed with a flag in her hand_

_A flag white as snow._

He crept towards the body, confirming the kill. Blood speckled her soft face, shining bright against the pale skin that contrasted her raven hair, shot through with grey. Her blue eyes stared at the sky, lifeless. A glint at her throat caught his eye and he pulled free a set of dog tags.

JAMES BUCHANEN BARNES was stamped across one. KATE MARIE WINSTON across the other. _Kate._ A smiling waitress flashed across his memory. A girl on a pier, a bundle of letters. Falling from a train with her name on his lips.

Pain ripped through him.

_A hero of war_

_Is that what they see?_

_Just medals and scars_

_So damn proud of me_

_And I brought home that flag_

_Now it gathers dust_

_But it's a flag that I love, it's the only flag I trust._

He had killed her. His Kate. The woman he loved. Murdered her during one of his HYDRA missions, after being brainwashed into forgetting her. Bucky sobbed softly, careful not to alert Steve in the other room. The one thing that kept him sane, taken away by his own hand.

The things he had done were terrible to be sure.

But this thing he could not forgive himself for.

_He said 'Son, have you seen the world?_

_Well what would you say if I said that you could?'_


End file.
